Sometimes people are just going to be mean and not like you. For no reason.
This was a problem for me. I hate when someone is mad at me or says mean things about me. Even if I don't like the person, it still would bother me to no end. Yeah, I'm a sensitive little girl. I believe I'm a hippy at heart, I just want peace and love between everyone. But I've learned that sometimes it doesn't matter how nice you are to someone or even if you don't know a certain person...sometimes people are just going to not like you for no reason. Of course, in their head they have plenty of reason to not like you. You're too short, too tall, too skinny, too fat, your teeth are too shiny, your hair is too blond, you wear too much makeup, you don't wear enough makeup, you're spoiled, etc. (Obviously these are not legitimate reasons to not like somebody, but unfortunately this is just how some people are these days.) What I learned from this is to just be quiet. If you're hearing mean things be said about you and you know they're not true and the people who love you and really know you know they aren't, just let it slide. These people tend to self destruct on their own, eventually more and more people start seeing what they are really like and avoid them all together, and they warn other people to avoid them as well.
You need to forgive people. Not for them, but for yourself.
Even if they don't deserve it or ask for it. Forgive them for anything they have done to hurt you. Holding a grudge and "hating" someone really does take up a lot of energy. I feel like I forgive very easily. I get so incredibly hurt/angry in the moment that something is done to me, but I get over it extremely fast, and am ready to forgive and move on. I think about people I know who talk about how someone cocked an attitude with them and they go on about it FOR DAYS, and they seem just as pissed on day 5 as they did on day 1. I'm too lazy to be angry for someone that long. It just seems exhausting, especially over something so little as the tone of voice someone gave you. I can only imagine what it would be like had they REALLY wronged you. I've been on that side too. I have been really wronged, by people who aren't ever supposed to wrong you. I'm not just talking about a girlfriend (although that has happened this past year as well.) And I was
This is where I struggled. I knew the "Christian" thing to do was forgive, but I had forgiven and forgiven and continued to get hurt, so I didn't want to forgive anymore, I was done. It took me a long time to realize that forgiving someone didn't mean letting them back in. I didn't want to forgive anymore because I was tired of being lied to, walked all over, and just all around hurt. I held on to anger and bitterness for a while because of this. You will never break free of the hurt and pain someone has caused you until you have forgiven them and can move on in your life.
Don't base what a person's life is actually like off of facebook/instagram/twitter/any other forms of social media.
Throwing myself under the bus here. I was the worst about this. I would always portray a happy go lucky, carefree, lovely little life full of rainbows and butterflies. Don't get me wrong, I didn't do this to make anyone jealous or anything like that. I felt like the more I would flaunt the "good" the more the bad would get pushed into a corner....the only problem with that is, eventually if you don't stand up and make a change....you will run out of good to talk about and all that will be left is the bad. No matter how peachy people's lives may seem in pictures, no one knows what goes on behind closed doors except for them.
Don't blame new relationships for what past relationships did.
This isn't just from a romantic standpoint, this goes for platonic relationships as well. Just because you had a friend that lied about you and gossiped about you behind your back does not mean this seemingly cool person you just met will inevitably do the same. Just because you had an ex that left you, cheated on you or was in some way, shape, or form abusive to you does NOT mean this really nice and persistent guy you just met will do the same. At some point you have to start trusting people again. Be guarded, but open minded. Have standards, but nothing unrealistic...and sometimes if you give that one person you didn't want to a chance....they may just surprise you and be everything you never even knew wanted and needed ;)
Don't gossip.
I know. Everyone has done it. I'm not going to sit here and lie and say I've never gossiped about anyone or listened to someone else gossip. Here's the thing, I've done it and I can name 10 people who do it to. You sit there and spend 45 minutes talking about someone and then at the end you tell yourself or you thank your friend for letting you "vent" to them. Or say the famous line "I'm just venting! I'm not trying to gossip." But the thing is....you are gossiping. When you start going waaaayyyyy into specifics and details and the whole "Well then so and so told me this, and then so and so said that, and I even heard it from so and so's own grandma!" You've officially crossed over into full on gossip girl. And I'm not going to sit here and say I'm never going to gossip again in my life, but I am going to try and make a point to keep certain things to myself and if I just feel as I am about to literally physically explode, I will do my best to not cross that line into gossiping. But for your own safety and mental protection STAY AWAY from that one person (We all have or at one point knew that ONE person) who seems like they never have anything nice to say about anyone, that one person who is never quiet and just constantly talking crap about other people, or is always talking about how someone has done/or is doing them wrong. If this person is talking horribly about everyone they know to you, they are more than likely doing the same thing to someone else where they added you to their crap list. Get rid of these people. Life is so much easier and healthier without them. Trust me. Now, that friend who can come over unannounced and raid your fridge like they just came back from being a prisoner of war and then just sit in total silence with you and stare at the tv for a few hours....that's the friend you need to hold on to.
Guard your heart.
Go out. Meet new people. Go on dates. Make FRIENDS! Like I stated earlier don't blame new loves for things old ones did. However, take your time getting to know someone before giving them a piece of your heart, whether it's romantically or platonic. It's okay to take your time getting to know someone before giving them a piece of you. I have 2 people I consider my very best friends in the world, the level of comfort and security and trust between these 2 girls is through the roof, however i have been friends with both of them for 12 years. Obviously it didn't take 12 years to achieve this type of comfort level with each other, but it did take a few. There is nothing wrong with that, any time you take your time getting to know someone, you are paving the road for your future with that person and deciding if this person deserves a piece of your heart. "Your heart is the wellspring of your life." Don't give it to someone who is going to damage it. Whether it's to a new friend or a new love interest, you will never regret taking it slow and getting to know that person before just openly giving them your heart.
Be yourself. The amazing, beautiful, kind, loving person God created you to be.
In closing, love everyone. Especially the ones who don't deserve it...they usually need it the most. Love and forgive other people no matter how hard it is...even if it means loving them from a distance.
-Brit
